Horsemanship and our lifestyle - are they compatible?

So what's all this about then?

Well, as you can imagine, I often hear from students who are upset that they are not achieving what they would like with their horses.  It's not happening fast enough, they are hitting problems, the horse is getting grumpy, they are not doing well enough, they are not good enough, they don't get it quickly enough, they aren't observant enough, they don't notice the small details, they have worry or fear and so on...  "Oh" they say "You make it look so easy" and "I really wish I could do it like that"....   I sympathise of course, but often, the only way to remedy these things is through time and hands on practice.

Maybe the horse is not so easy and the student needs to spend more time with it or they need to commit to working on these issues in themselves more - and maybe that means taking up a different skill which will help them with that.  But what is the biggest protest that I hear when I suggest these things - "...but I don't have enough time, I can't be with the horse every day to work it, that's unrealistic".  Of course it is - however - if you want to be good or you want to be how your instructor is or your friend who has more time to devote to it is - then there is only one answer and there is no getting away from it - you need to devote more time to it.  If you don't or usually "can't" then guess what - you don't want it enough.  No - don't protest, admit it - it's true!  Whenever we truly want something enough we will do anything and everything to achieve it - we make the time.

With our horsemanship work you "don't" in fact, have to be with the horse every day.  Certainly once you have acquired the skills, then this is not so essential, but until you have the skills, you need to learn who you need to be for your horse - and that of course is about being someone who is dependable and who is around!  If you can't work with your horse - even calling by to see it daily will make a difference. If however, you are someone who does not see your horse sometimes for a week at a time or maybe you visit only once a week, then really, you might not be doing the horse any favours. To be honest, it might be worth considering if you should have a horse at all.

You need to put the time in - in order to be able to take time out!!

So, if that means that in the beginning, when starting the training or developing a relationship with a horse you need to commit more time to it - then that's what you need to do! In the beginning of learning anything new, or in developing any new relationship - this is what you have to do!! Think about it - did you develop the relationship with your husband/wife/partner by popping in "occasionally"?  Did you learn to ride/drive a car or play the piano with a lesson once in a blue moon?  Did you learn to read by attending school "when you felt like it"?  No, with all those things you committed to learning and paid focused attention to it - and at the beginning you most likely were so enthusiastic (or in the case of school did not have any other choice!) that you practised often!  Once you had the skills or had developed the relationship - you did not have to practise all the time or every day - but imagine if you only part learnt these skills and then did not practise much - they'd get pretty rusty wouldn't they?  Some skills like playing an instrument or learning a language actually get lost if you don't keep them up - horsemanship is no different!

At the beginning - you do have to spend more time:

When you have done this, and only when you have done this, have you earned the right to go and do other things and take time out.  Only then will your horse be able to cope with that.  Once you have done this and if you are going to be away or not see your horse for a while - are you happy that he/she is in an established and confident herd or in a good place where training or handling the way you like it done will be continued?  If not, then you put all your hard work in jeopardy.  You can't hope to know "who you need to be for your horse" if you don't really get to know your horse or spend time with it! I do not start my horses until I know I am going to be around to complete the work. I knew when I did the first work with Pablo that I needed to be at home for a two week period at least and that if I could not guarantee this to him or myself then I would have to leave that work until I did have the time.

Once I was with Steve when he was talking to several of us associates together all of whom dedicate a huge amount of time to training and working with horses both ours and other people's.  However, Steve said something very interesting that struck me like a lightning bolt: "You will never be truly good with horses or as good as you want to be until you work with them full time". He was, and is right.

Now, I totally understand that most of you will not be able to do this. But it also means that most of you will never have the same relationship that someone who can be with their horse or horses full time (or often) does. Most student's horses will never be like mine - not because I am so great, but simply because they can never have the time I do.  By having the time and because I work at it pretty much every day - I can have intense focus, give attention to detail and have a greater skill for observation.  After all, it's my job.  But I in turn will never have the same relationship - despite all my work and training - as someone who has only one or even two horses and who can spend a lot of time with them.

I love my horses, I work hard with them and give myself time to work on my own skills - but I have to acknowledge that having 9 of them means I have to compromise on some things. Travelling around the country to teach means I also have compromises - and when a horse comes in for training, mine often get left in favour of the training horse.  I would not wish to reduce my herd - but there is a price a pay for that and sometimes I really miss the fact that I don't have that one on one relationship that a one horse owner has the chance of having.

Determination:

If you are looking for a horse and find one that might require time, more study and input - don't buy it if that's not what you can provide for it! Get one suited more to your lifestyle - or don't get one at all. If we want to do something and do it well, we must be "determined". Anthony Robbins (NLP practitioner) puts this well in his book "Awaken The Giant Within"

He says that all the following emotions of power are invaluable - love and warmth, appreciation and gratitude, curiosity, excitement and passion ... "but there is one that you must have if you're going to create lasting value in this world.  It will dictate how you deal with upsets and challenges, with disappointment and disillusionments.  Determination means the difference between being stuck and being struck with the lightning power of commitment.  If you want to get yourself to do anything or follow through on anything, "pushing" yourself won't do it.  Putting yourself in a state of determination will.  All your actions will spring from that source, and you'll just automatically do whatever it takes to accomplish your aim.  Acting with determination means making a congruent, committed decision where you've cut off any other possibility (ie of not succeeding)..."

Confidence:

Another thing you need and yet it is something that so many struggle with (but do need to try to find) and that's confidence. Robbins again:

"In order to get yourself to do anything, it's imperative to exercise confidence rather than fear.  The tragedy of many people's lives is that they avoid doing things beause they are afraid; they even feel bad about things in advance. But remember: the source of success for outstanding achievers often finds its origin in a set of nurtured beliefs for which that individual had no references!" There is more about this in his book "The Giant Within".

On the Inner Game course we discuss how these fears inhibit us - they are our "Raging Dogs".  These fears are why people often procrastinate or do other things - sometimes many other things and lead extraordinarily busy lives - just in order to avoid the real issues in their lives. They often avoid the fear of certain things.  They are diverting their attentions and keeping themselves occupied from facing up to the real problem. There is a Comfort Zone newsletter which covered "avoidance issues" in some detail.

Good Examples:

To be honest, the inspiration for this article came from Carl Bronner of Kilgobbin Stud in Natal and Antje and Claudia in Germany.  Carl is one of the busiest people I know - with her kids, her beet business, her farm, her Horseplay business and her horse breeding activities - and I'm sure I've missed a few!  She often does not have enough time to do all she would like to with her horses but she has got them to a stage where she can keep them ticking over during her busy times and knows that once her boys leave school, she will be back to more committed time with them.  She has been realistic and although it can be frustrating, she also knows that the year of 2010 is going to be one of those where other things will often have to take priority.  Being the wise person she is - she has changed her expectations to meet her current situation.  Having said that - she sets herself study time with friends and she books her training sessions when I go up to visit - she puts a huge effort into those times and sticks to her planned schedule as much as she possibly can - barring emergencies.  In addition to these times, her Horseplay  work means that she keeps her hand in and learns from her horses and the people she works with.  The fact that horses are part of her business means she gets to learn from them just because she has to be around them, organise them, treat them, train foals, look after sick horses if something happens to them and so on.

Antje and Claudia, members from Germany, set a good example to us all. They have recently been getting ready to accept Claudia's new horse into their equine family during. Before selecting the right one, they took the time to look at many horses, they asked lots of questions and chose carefully. They studied a lot in advance and new the kind of horse and age they wanted it to be.  As the horse they finally chose was a young one and un-started, they decided and planned the route they want to take with it.  They did not enter into this relationship lightly and made themselves well aware of what was involved.  This route involved them changing many of their plans for the year following the arrival of their new horse - including some of their holiday schedules.  They did this as they knew that spending time with their young horse, understanding her and being there for her was important.  Bonding with a horse takes time and it is this time that they allowed into their lives. They are fully aware of the work they must do and the time and commitment that they must put in and in addition to this they scheduled help from someone experienced - Steve - during his annual visit to them. They know that this journey will take some time and they have prepared for it, committed to it and are determined to succeed.

This is commitment. This is determination. This is thinking things through, being determined and taking responsibility. This is what a new horse requires and this is what a we should be able to offer a horse and do for it if we are going to own one.   This is making the time to get the relationship as right as you possibly can and this is a good example of doing one's best and putting the horse first. This is what it is to be a horse owner - and one who does the job conscientiously.

Mark Rashid, talking in the movie "The Path of the Horse" says that in order to be good with horses we must create a mind like still water. This is true.  Only if the mind is still can we hope to notice a true reflection of ourselves and our horses.  If our minds are racing on all the time, if we are too busy dashing from one thing to the next - we can never hope to cultivate this "still water mind".  It will always be like a lake with ripples, or a muddy puddle we have just waded through - stirring up the bottom to make it murky and creating so many waves that we can see nothing.  We can not get clarity on anything if we are not still and don't take the time to be still.  We can not see clearly if we are always busy and if our life is a muddy puddle rather than a calm reflective lake.

So, if we choose a busy lifestyle, then maybe we must lower our expectations about the relationship we will have with our horses or the one we can hope to achieve with them.  We know that there will be compromise but of course, life is a series of compromises.  Just be sure though, that your horse is not compromised!

I hope this will give you pause for thought and maybe get you to consider some things you had not thought about before. I hope you will decide to cultivate a mind like still water and become better horse people because of it.  I'd certainly like to think that there are not too many of you out there who want to be a muddy puddle!